crisdieta............... ♥

I heard a new song yesterday.. a few lines go somewhat like..

Then all at once it gets hard to take.
It gets hard to fake, what I won’t be.
Cause one of these days I’ll be born and raised
And it’s such a waste to grow up lonely

I still have dreams, they’re not the same..
They don’t fly as high as they used to
I saw my friend, he’s in my head
And he said, “You don’t remember me, do you?”

I still got time..
I still got faith
I call on both of my brothers..
I got a mom..
I got a dad..
But they do not have each other

It’s sad to hear a song tell your very story..and sing the words you’re too afraid to say out loud..

People say that love is not always enough.. and I think, I believe that too.

Compromise.. and patience.. and understanding.. and acceptance.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.. “happy ever after” is how you make your partnership work.. It is measured by how much you are willing to give.. and how much less you expect to get in return. And “I’ve had enough” is a turning point, where you’d lose everything.. where you’d find yourself alone again.. a man who fought and gave up.. a dreamer who was left with nothing but a broken heart.

Why do you have to work on Sundays?

I am working on a shifting schedule.. and most often than not, I work during weekends and holidays. I’m basically missing all the fun.

I was eating in a taco store earlier, and I overheard a guy ranting about his busy girlfriend. Telling his friends how she can’t put him on her schedules, and how she makes excuses because of her work. “I’m being bashed”, he said. “She’s always late on our dates.. and man, why does she have to work on Sundays?”

Well, here’s the thing.. being busy is a choice. When my former manager asked me during the hiring interview if I am willing to work under pressure, I answered “yes”.. When he asked me if I can work on a shifting sched, I said “yes”.. he even stressed out “no holidays”, and my answer remained “yes”.

So you see, to be busy was a choice I made.. and it goes for everyone too.. It’s a choice, not an excuse.

I’ve learned to let go of the things I cannot have.. of situations I cannot change.. and times that I cannot bring back.

In life, there are moments that you have to stop.. think.. and tell yourself, “give up and learn.. so that next time, you’d know better.”

I can’t stop typing.. and thinking about you.

How hurt you might have been.. and how much you’re still hurting. You’ve made your own choices.. and you have to live the consequences.

I cannot say out loud that I feel sorry for her.. but I am. I feel sorry for all that you’ve been through.. and for everything that had happened before. Deep in my heart, I will always hope for your happiness.. and for your peace of mind.

Things have calmed down.. and lately, smiling is a lot easier. It took some time, but getting used to sadness is a tough battle.. so it took a while.

Anywaaay, I’ve noticed na puro photos ang previous posts ko.. so I’m writing *or typing,* :)

2012. Another year, huh? I don’t know.. I’m not that excited. Maybe because, sabi sa tv.. malas daw ang mga Year of the Rabbit ngayon. Hahaha :))

I’m trying to avoid rice, as much as I could.. but unfortunately, hindi ko yata talaga kaya. hahahaha. I’ve managed to eat 4 dinners without rice since day one of 2012.. 4 out of 16.. Eh sa hindi talaga ako magaling mag diet eh. hahaha.

Back to my life’s drama..

He’s breaking hearts again, and joking about it. They’re hoping and waiting for his love.. the love that he already gave to someone else. I’ve met her the other day.. He introduced her, and she’s really pretty. I just hope that she knows how lucky she is.. especially now that he is fighting for her.

Dear kuya, gusto ko lang maging masaya ka. Kahit saan, kahit kanino pa.. as long as you’re happy.. Sayang ang buhay kung malulungkot ka lang.

been out of sorts lately.. and I know, a lot of my friends were surprised by my midnight calls and non stop drop-off messages.. there’s just too much to say, and I’ve been really quiet for so long.. I have pent up worries that I thought I could handle alone, but no.. I just couldn’t anymore.

Christmas season makes me sad. every. time.

Too many things are running through my mind.. Losing family is never easy.. Dying makes everyone sad.. But what if that someone isn’t dying, and you’re still losing him anyway.. How would that make you feel? Let me tell you something, letting go of a dying person is easier than letting go of someone who didn’t choose you.. It will always hurt. And I am hurting..

Giving someone a chance, even if you know it wouldn’t work out, is a desperate move. A final attempt to happiness that you will never have. I do not want that.. I believe that I deserve more than that.. So I’m passing up my chance.. Thanks, but no thanks dude.

Watching friends go is sad.. Minan is leaving soon.. Ianne and Dada left already.. Seeing them walk away from where I am standing, makes me think of walking away with them.. But when will I have the courage to make the first step? How can I leave this place? I’m trying to drown myself, be numb and lose consciousness.. I need a break.. I need sleep.. I need peace.

I may never say this out loud, but I am tired.

Everyday is living a routine that eats up my time. I am not moving. I am still standing on the same spot that I have planned to leave 3 years ago. I am still here, and it seems like I won’t be moving anytime soon. I don’t know why I haven’t tried yet, maybe I’m scared. I know that at some point, you have been scared too. How did you get over it? share it to me.. please? I want to take the next step, but I am numb.. I have been injected with anesthesia of pain and sadness.. and failure.

one day you’ll get tired.. and will stop caring. when that day comes, it won’t matter if he’s the one who broke up with you.. or if you’re the one who broke up with him. You will only be consumed with so much relief that it’s finally over.. you’re finally moving forward and all your life is just a step away.

You will forget all the good things that happened, and will only be reminded of the bitter ones. This day, today, would not matter.. the smiles you’ve exchanged this morning will not pass your mind once you’re already set on to take the world. Someday, all of these will just be buried memories..