I can’t stop typing.. and thinking about you.
How hurt you might have been.. and how much you’re still hurting. You’ve made your own choices.. and you have to live the consequences.
I cannot say out loud that I feel sorry for her.. but I am. I feel sorry for all that you’ve been through.. and for everything that had happened before. Deep in my heart, I will always hope for your happiness.. and for your peace of mind.
Too many things are running through my mind.. Losing family is never easy.. Dying makes everyone sad.. But what if that someone isn’t dying, and you’re still losing him anyway.. How would that make you feel? Let me tell you something, letting go of a dying person is easier than letting go of someone who didn’t choose you.. It will always hurt. And I am hurting..
Giving someone a chance, even if you know it wouldn’t work out, is a desperate move. A final attempt to happiness that you will never have. I do not want that.. I believe that I deserve more than that.. So I’m passing up my chance.. Thanks, but no thanks dude.
Watching friends go is sad.. Minan is leaving soon.. Ianne and Dada left already.. Seeing them walk away from where I am standing, makes me think of walking away with them.. But when will I have the courage to make the first step? How can I leave this place? I’m trying to drown myself, be numb and lose consciousness.. I need a break.. I need sleep.. I need peace.
