• 3rd December
    2011
  • 03

Too many things are running through my mind.. Losing family is never easy.. Dying makes everyone sad.. But what if that someone isn’t dying, and you’re still losing him anyway.. How would that make you feel? Let me tell you something, letting go of a dying person is easier than letting go of someone who didn’t choose you.. It will always hurt. And I am hurting..

Giving someone a chance, even if you know it wouldn’t work out, is a desperate move. A final attempt to happiness that you will never have. I do not want that.. I believe that I deserve more than that.. So I’m passing up my chance.. Thanks, but no thanks dude.

Watching friends go is sad.. Minan is leaving soon.. Ianne and Dada left already.. Seeing them walk away from where I am standing, makes me think of walking away with them.. But when will I have the courage to make the first step? How can I leave this place? I’m trying to drown myself, be numb and lose consciousness.. I need a break.. I need sleep.. I need peace.

  • 5th November
    2011
  • 05

I may never say this out loud, but I am tired.

Everyday is living a routine that eats up my time. I am not moving. I am still standing on the same spot that I have planned to leave 3 years ago. I am still here, and it seems like I won’t be moving anytime soon. I don’t know why I haven’t tried yet, maybe I’m scared. I know that at some point, you have been scared too. How did you get over it? share it to me.. please? I want to take the next step, but I am numb.. I have been injected with anesthesia of pain and sadness.. and failure.

  • 28th July
    2011
  • 28
Thoughts and Coffee Beans: Malakas feeling ko any moment time ko na

emotikonomista:

Andami kong naiisip na paraan kung paano ako mamamatay.

Sa tuwing makakakita ako ng kidlat sa langit habang nakikinig ng music, o kaya naman yung makakasalubong ng mabilis na sasakyan habang umuulan, yung tunog ng eroplano na tipong babagsak sa bahay nyo, at yung akala mo may barilan sa labas at may ligaw na bala kang inaabangan yun pala kwitis lang, yan yung ilan sa mga instances na may dalang lundag ng puso sa bawat segundo.

Ang hirap lang ihanda ang sarili ng kulang kulang isang minuto at magsisi sa lahat ng kasalanan at magsabi na lang ng “Thank you, Lord” dahil inaabangan mo na na sunduin ka na ng iyong napipintong kapalaran. Ewan ko. Eto yung isa sa mga bagay na kinokondisyon ko na yung sarili ko. Mas handa na ko dito kesa sa pagdating nung taong para sa akin.

Read. Mas naka-relate ako sa last line: Mas handa na ko dito kesa sa pagdating nung taong para sa akin. Hahaha :)

(via emotikonomista-deactivated20110)

  • 9th March
    2011
  • 09
  • 8th November
    2010
  • 08

*rainy days and mondays*

another ordinary day. i lived it the way i lived yesterday, and same as last week. I’ve accomplished a lot of tasks, but somehow i feel.. incomplete. I’m quite sure that something’s missing.

what? what is it?

………………………………….*sigh*

it’s raining today.. im feeling sad again. Have you observed how rain blurs colors? a rainy day is a gloomy day.

often times, rain is associated with sadness. Maybe because rain looks like a thousand teardrops.

random thoughts because of rainy days and mondays.